Love and Death ( for a second time) by Max Wallace and Ian Halperin

         I'm currently reading the book " Love and Death" by Max Wallace and Ian Halperin. This is about the tales and history of the death of a famous signer during the 90's of the band Nirvana, Kurt Cobain. Cobain had a very stressful and hurtful childhood getting along with his parents and actually having a childhood. But his signing helped him reach the charts and find his future wife. His life with his wife wasn't easy either. Courtney Love bothered him till the end of his life, even after their daughter Frances was born. He was said by officials that he committed suicide, leaving his suicidal note behind with a gun.
       I'm very skeptical and think its a murder, but it can also be a suicide. Cobain's life itself is pretty sad. You can find the way of his life in the lyrics. You have to read in between the lyrics. Also, " the suicidal note" says in the bottom :

"Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.

For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!"

I feel these words were the strongest words he has ever said in his lifetime. Cobain is looking out for his daughter, not his wife. His daughter is gave him a another part of his life that made him happy. "For HER life, which will be so much happier without me". Cobain is putting his daughter's life before him. That proves that his child changed his life. He even went to a drug rehab center to recover after his child was born. Not to mention, he tried to keep things good with Courtney. Frances gave him this reborn spirit that boosted up his day.
         What led him push his limits? Was it the facts that he couldn't do drugs because of his daughter that he had to come past it one day or another? Maybe he couldn't recover quite well. He got tried of not doing drugs for such a long time that exceeded his limits to the end.  Or it could be the facts that his life wasn't that happy and though that Frances life would be better without him. Maybe he didn't want her to find out about his earlier life and didn't want her to have a childhood where the parents fight. Cobain was a smart guy, he knew what would happen next. It's like he was his own future teller. 
        "Not a proof ,of suicide." Well if its not a proof of suicide, and its not a of murder, what is it? The book makes its thoughts goes around and around. His Grandfather is sure that it was a murder. While Love thinks its a suicide. 
       I mean it could be a considered a murder because the door to his mansion was unlocked. The murderer could have easily gotten in and out the house. I think if they could have found just one more piece of evidence, they could figure it out. I mean the death of 1989, the ( NCIS) convinced the parents of Marine Digman that he committed suicide. However the gunshot was found in the left side of his head instead of the right, since he was a righty. Until then, it was proved as a murder. So if just one piece was found, I'm pretty sure things would be more clear. 
        All and all, I think that if researchers found a bit more evidence, then things would clear up. Only if someone knew what was happening that his direct moment. One small thing that is right in front of the faces of people is sticking out, but people just doesn't realize it. Even one small thing like he was lefty or righty could help solve the case. They had to just look deeper, further. I still don't think its a suicide. "Who killed Kurt Cobain". 

Love and Death By Max Wallace and Ian Halperin

        I’m currently reading the book Love and Death by Max Wallace and Ian Halperin. This book is a non-fiction book on the so called suicide of Kurt Cobain, a popular musician in the early 1990’s. Cobain was the lead singer of the band Nirvana. His band mates were Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl 

       April 5^th, 1994 Cobain committed suicide in house in Seattle. He was found dead on April 8^th, 1994. Before the death, he attempted suicide, have been on a high dose of drugs, and had alcohol problems. His wife, Courtney Love fell in love together at a concert. Both of them had many similarities, and bonded very well. Both of them had troubled childhoods, not to mention family and mothers who did not take care to them. “Rather be dead than cool”, said Cobain. Sometimes, when his mother kicked him out of the house, he lived in his friends place, and his music started there. But then how long can he actually live at friends place? So he sometimes spent his night under a bridge over the Wishkah River. His music most of time was influenced by his life. Cobain influenced gunge music in many well know bands today.

      Cobain’s wife, Love seems like she negatively influenced Kurt.  I mean according to her last husband “I would have ended up just like Kurt, with a gun down my throat”.  Both Love and Cobain came from families where divorce was a huge factor. It affected them both. It hit them hard like rock. Maybe divorce was coming toward their way.  But then their child, Frances Bean Cobain was born on August 18^th, 1992. Over time, after Frances was born, their relationship stronger than ever. Courtney wanted her life to also go in the grunge-punk rock stage after the baby.

      It wasn't long before Courtney tried to convince Kurt to start a new band without one of his members. But is Nirvana really without the real 3? Lynn Hirschberg was a journalist that recorded that Courtney took drugs when she was pregnant. Other writers like Victoria Clarke also found out this fact. Courtney threatened Clarke by leaving messages. Not to mention Kurt also did that. Because that fact would hurt Kurt so much in this career.  Even today, she created a song called “Bring Me the Head of Lynn Hirschberg”.  

        The book puts Courtney in a position of a lady that was really rude, unsupported, and mean about her husband. But according to the people and family interviewed, they also had similar thoughts about Courtney.  Cobain’s grandfather, Leland Cobain; quoted “Courtney was going out to a club or bar or something and she wanted Kurt to come with her, but he just wanted to stay home and play with the baby.” Cobain’s mother, Wendy; said He's probably going to end up dead and in the stupid club." "I said if he ever lived to be 30, I'd be surprised.” However, as his fame continued, his mother supported him and even took pride in his work. The first time he attempted suicide, it was all over the news. As Love and Cobain were in the ambulance, she had perfect makeup on for the newscast. “ I wish I never married him” she said.

       Kurt lived to be 27. He made American History. His music even beat The Beatles. Most people believe that this was a suicide. While others are skeptical and still believes it’s a killing. But I don't believe it's a suicide and still thinking “Who killed Kurt Cobain?”

“Alice on Her Way” by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor.

           I am currently reading the book “Alice on Her Way” by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. This book is about a girl named Alice that has a very stressful life and don’t know where it’s going. Her dad has been recently re-married; she broke up with her boyfriend, failed the driver- licensed test, and doesn't really know where her life is going. The book is in her point of view, which makes it very interesting and makes you think more.

       Alice is a highschooler, which has hardships she has to face.  But she doesn't take them to an ease. Instead, she makes a choppy road where nothing is paid attention to and goes where faith makes her go. It’s like she wants to achieve it, but she can’t because she doesn't try. However, I can relate to her. I mean sometimes, when I feel lazy or let-down, I just let things fade away; let it go where it can go. I don’t try. In some cases, I see Alice in a good way and others in negative way. I mean the way she lets go of everything. It makes me want to scream into the book “START TRYING!!!” The character’s relationship had changed all the way. I mean it started with wanted a boyfriend, she even said “Any boyfriend will do”.  In the beginning of her relationship with Sam, she likes him a lot. He sounded like the nicest person you’ll ever meet.  But then she gets tired of him hanging around her all the time. I mean everywhere she goes, he’s there.  She does some pretty bad things to try to break their relationship. However, he tries so hard to keep it, while she doesn't. But in the end, Alice breaks to him that they are no longer in a relationship. 

        One main conflict of the story is “faith”. I mean Alice expects everything should be according to faith. She doesn't try to change anything. Never. It’s like it will magically come to her one day. I wish she could put in a bit of effort. I mean at least try. If you think you can’t make it, you should try at least. Never take any type of work small. Because work is work. I thought the ending was a very broad and should have ended a better way.  SPOILER ALERT  I mean the ending was with Alice taking about her future with her friends. The character went through some change, but not much. It was very little. If you think about it, the story has barely much meaning. It was just about a girl that triggered though her high school life.

         “I hope so”.  Is quote that summed up the whole story. I mean all Alice does is hope. There is no trying. This quote symbolized how much laziness there is in the world. It tells you that it might happen. It might not. Your hopes and dreams can be crushed in one second, but can be saved the next. All and all, I think the character should have tried instead of hoping. Because when you hope, it might not get accomplished. So people should have stop hoping and start trying. 

"Am I Blue?"

        I've recently read an excerpt from the story “Am I Blue” by Bruce Coville. This was story about a boy named Vince that is going to a moment of doubt phase about the question “Is he gay or not?” It started with him being bullied by Butch Carrigan in the beginning of the story and then he meets his fairy god father. He helps him feel better. Like he should not be ashamed of whom he is. 

         One thing that I've noticed in this story is that a bit of truth can gain you happiness. For example, if everyone would be the same and looked the same and did everything the same and had no differences among each other’s, we would look at each other the same and no one would hate. But that wouldn't make us who we are. All I can say is that the world would be a different place. 

        His fairy god father, Melvin made him see the world like never before. I mean he is like a helper; or maybe something more. He asks his god father about himself. I mean how much does he know about himself? As we grow and develop, do we really know much about each other or ourselves? Do we know our bodies that well? His god father tells him you may be gay or you may not be. “Am I blue?” translates to “Am I gay?” in this story.

         However, the god father made Vince see people in the shades of blue. It was like being re-born again.  The darker the shades were, that were the people that were gay. The people that were in lighter shades, we having a moment of doubt like Vince. However, he discovered many things about the people that seem like who they are not. But was he blue?

         “The answer is, slightly.”  So he is confused about it. Since he got bullied, he was having a moment of doubt. At that moment, he felt like he should change who he is just to fit in. But you shouldn't  you never should. That thing that you hate about yourself makes you who you are. That’s what makes you, you. You are who you are.  Don’t pretend to fit into something you’re not. You’re the one, the only one of your kind. 

         Vince saw the world in a difference view. I mean when he had that blue vision, he saw a political congressman that was interviewed and opposed gays. “The great crime of homosexuality" and” the gay threat to American youth" the congressman said. But however, Vince saw him as blue. I mean that's just not fair. I mean if you like punk music, why would you hate on someone that likes punk music. Why hate on anything or anyone? I mean the idea of hate is just not nice. I mean believe it or not, we are all things that live on the planet. And how will hate help us in this moment. How will hate get us anywhere? Then Butch Carrigan bullied him in the beginning and he was also blue. That's something in this world that matters because I mean you are going to bully your own kind. I mean it's not right. Bullying is a form of hate and hate is never right.

        Hate in the world is not right and should never exist. Because you’re really bulling you self, if you bully others like you. In the story, if blue day lasted, and everyone saw each other in the shades of blue, would there be nothing to hide, would people really be different? Would people still hate on each other? People would see each other in a different way, people who seem happy may seem sad. You will never know the true side of anyone even if you think you know, you may not. In the end, Vince still doesn’t know if he’s really blue or not. Maybe he might meet his prince charming or his Cinderella. But he still doesn’t know. Maybe this experience helped him decide.